Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
Having to co-parent alongside a clinically diagnosed narcissist can be challenging. A lot more than challenging, actually.
Narcissists specifically can be difficult to be around on top of being emotionally draining. But there are ways to help you cope for the sake of your child, and how to stand up for your boundaries.
Ironically, a narcissist is usually readily available to mediate child custody with the co-parent. Mediation may offer the narcissist a platform to influence the mediator and express why they are the ideal parent.
This might suggest mediation is the wrong platform. However, mediation really is the best place for the co-parent to avoid a long litigated court-battle.
The co-parent will need to properly prepare and select a knowledgeable mediator able to manage the dynamic to have a successful mediation.
Today, we will be discussing these topics so that we can help you have a smooth co-parenting relationship, even if your co-parent is a narcissist.
Reach out to Dina Haddad today, a professional and non-judgemental family mediator and schedule your free consultation.
She can act as a third party to help set up your child custody agreement while setting and maintaining a clear set of ground rules.
First let’s begin with what exactly a narcissist is, and how we can spot tactics or identify their behavior. Identifying that a romantic interest is a narcissist is difficult.
Their behavior and manipulation tactics can be hard to see at first. Often, a narcissist will ‘love bomb’ their partner as a way of self-flattery.
Unfortunately, this may be misconstrued as affection and care. The narcissist may overwhelm you with intense affection or attention and praise early on in your relationship to try and gain a certain influence over you.
When you divorce them, this need for control might shift from you to your children. This may severely affect your ability to coexist as parents.
Think of it like this: the difference between a healthy start and love bombing is instead of letting a relationship develop naturally, they flood you with:
This can feel amazing at first, like it’s a dream come true. After all, who doesn’t want to feel adored by someone? But love bombing is usually manipulative.
Used a lot by narcissists, once they feel they have your trust and that you are attached to them – that excessive attention stops abruptly or is used so that you’ll do what they ask when they ask.
Setting boundaries with a narcissist is difficult. They may try to frame boundaries that you set as a personal attack, or even dismiss them all together.
If you have to resolve child custody, mediation can help you keep boundaries. In child custody mediation, a mediator will act as a third party supervisor.
This is just one of many ways that you can uphold healthy boundaries that will ultimately be good for your co-parenting relationship when you do see each other outside of mediation.
Child custody mediation absolutely can work with a narcissist, and mediation is recommended by California courts.
However, for mediation to be successful, the co-parent could benefit from understanding the narcissist mind-set and having additional support during the process.
According to WebMD.com; “If your parenting partner is a narcissist, they may ignore, push, or test your boundaries.
Or they might parent with less structure, empathy, or respect than you’d like. They often get angry when you give them feedback or criticism.
It can be hard to reach compromises. Their negativity could wear you down.” Kara Mayer Robinson, the writer of this article goes on to explain. “Narcissists have a strong sense of grandiosity and self-importance. That means they think they’re more important than others and lack empathy.
Other signs of narcissistic personality disorder include taking advantage of others, lacking empathy, needing an excessive amount of admiration, and having a sense of entitlement.”
Some challenges that you should prepare yourself for in custody mediation is this:
The impacts of narcissism on your child custody case, if not dealt with, can be catastrophic. Instead of only emotionally hurting you, that harm might spread to your children.
It takes using unique strategies to try and maneuver around your co-parent, so that this can be prevented.
Given mediation has been proven to be the best way to resolve custody disputes, it will be crucial to have your narcissist co-parent participate in mediation and for you to be successful in negotiating with your co-parent.
Top strategies for mediating with a narcissist:
Remember child custody mediation is to identify the child’s best interest. Both you and your partner could agree to that general concept.
If you both can agree that you will cooperate with the mediator and one another to identify what is in your children’s best interests, you are more likely to have your partner’s agreement to mediate.
Keep a list of important examples that impact your co-parenting. If you have text messages or emails to support those examples, hold on to that as well.
Given a narcissist can often gaslight, it will help you be able to address the actual concern without getting derailed.
Related: Co-parenting with a Narcissist (7 Tips for success)
If you seem to have trouble talking around your narcissistic co-parent, you can always bring a list with you to mediation.
This could be anything you want to talk about, or let your co-parent know (like doctors appointments, extra curricular activity schedules, etc).
You can give the list to the mediator and they can help you so that way you can get your point across with their help. Try your best to keep topics directly related to your children.
Keep your questions blunt, straight to the point, and most importantly factual and centered around your children.
Document their responses and try to avoid emotional topics that could be a trigger for them.
When you are preparing for your child custody mediation, consider ways for you to stay focused on the mediation and not sidetracked by your narcissist techniques.
What helps you do this? Do you need to be actively writing down notes? Would it be helpful to have a fidget with you? Here are some ideas:
In addition to having the items you need to be properly present and successful, if the narcissist in your life is particularly difficult – you should also bring:
Dealing with a narcissist can be hard. If you are searching for a good mediation service, we recommend Families First Mediation.
Dina Haddad, their lead mediator, has years of experience handling similar cases just like yours. Contact her today and she can schedule you for a free video consultation.
Dina Haddad’s mission is to bring affordable mediation services while still providing top-tier quality.
Having a healthy co-parenting relationship isn’t only important for your own peace of mind, but also your children’s. As a parent you can do everything in your power, only, to meet those needs.
For a narcissist, the mediation can be a platform for their views, beliefs and superior parenting to be displayed. However, with the right mediator, you can use your co-parents willingness to mediate to bridge the gap between you.
Participating in custody mediation shows that you too are willing to communicate and do what it takes. The right mediator will be able to establish the boundaries you need to make the mediation work for your children.
Questions that directly relate to your children and their well-being. An example; “what do the children do at your house?”
Make sure that you have all necessary documents proving your involvement with your children. Just in case your narcissist tries to exaggerate certain situations.
You can seek out the help of a professional mediator if you are having trouble navigating your child custody situation with your co-parent.
Families First Mediation is a pioneer in the field of divorce mediation. Our entire divorce mediation team takes great pride in being active trainers, divorce mediators and teachers of mediation in the greater California area. If you are considering a collaborative divorce, legal seperation or looking for a san jose divorce lawyer we have services that may be beneficial to you. Take advantage of our vast expertise and background in the field of divorce mediation and our genuine desire to help with your divorce mediation services.
