Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
Rebeca and John enter divorce mediation with an aim to reach a quality agreement. But soon in the 3rd session of mediation Rebecca finds that his spouse is lying and manipulating.
Rebeca felt that as if mediation was about his interests. Several times communication breakdowns, verbal arguments and coercive behavior of him made her feel low before the mediator and she had to go to trial.
Mediation is highly not recommended in California if you think your case resembles Rebeca. In other words, if you think that your soon to be ex-spouse is a narcissist, involved in other legal battles, mediator is incompetent or your case has a history of domestic violence withdraw from mediation and consider other dispute resolution options.
In this guide, California based expert Mediator Dina Haddad throws light on some scenarios, which might not be best for divorce mediation. She also shares her insight on some other divorce options if you’re not going for mediation.
Talk to Dina Haddad and get a free case evaluation if mediation is fit to your case. Book a free consultation today.
According to Dina Haddad, divorce mediation is a way for parties to have another person in the room to help things stay calm.
Mediators also give advice to their clients on how to move forward rather than backward when they don’t agree on topics like dividing assets or child/spousal support.
To Know more about mediation, its process, benefits or divorce litigation in case mediation is not your choice, you can click the blue links.
Divorce mediation can be a fantastic way to create grounds for an amicable divorce. However, it is still vital to recognize when you are in a situation where mediation might not be the best route.
Take these scenarios as an example to help you determine if other options would be more appropriate.
When one party is often in control and the other is being controlled it can quickly turn toxic in mediation since your partner (if you are on the receiving end of the imbalance) is used to calling the shots.
According to a piece done by ADR Times; “in simple terms, a power imbalance results when the parties don’t share the decision-making and other aspects of the relationship equally.”
In short, a controlling spouse can attempt to bulldoze over not just you, but also the mediator.
Divorce mediation is not for a situation if your case involves either physical or mental abuse.
Negotiations in these kinds of circumstances very rarely ever go well because of the fear and intimidation that grow from the trauma of abuse.
Rather there can be safety concerns when putting you and your spouse together in one room.
The receiver of abuse might be coerced into compromising since in most situations – even the presence of their abuser can send them into fight or flight (whether they know it or not).
If your mediator is not competent or fair, it’s unlikely that you will reach a fair resolution and quality agreement tailored to your goals.
A biased attorney-mediator can be a serious trouble to the entire divorce mediation process. For example, if your mediator does not reply to your emails, questions on time and/or unnecessarily favors your soon to be ex-spouse, mediating a divorce can be a red flag and in the words of expert mediation lawyer (James L Arrasmith) you can do these things:
If you find that mediator behavior is not changing (even after talking to them), withdraw from mediation and proceed to the court since mediation is a voluntary process to reach a fair resolution.
Divorce is already tough but navigating it with a malignant spouse could make it more chaotic and difficult.
Don’t you remember the old saying that ‘the only thing harder than living with a narcissist is separating from them?’
Sitting with a narcissist spouse face to face in a mediation session is very challenging. Your narcissist spouse can use deceitful tricks to manipulate you.
If your spouse is diagnosed with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and they are manipulative too, consider one of the alternate dispute resolution options we have mentioned below.
Lack of financial disclosure in mediation could lead to unnecessary delays and litigation/ court path. If you think that your spouse would be hiding information, then reaching a fair division of assets and liabilities would be unlikely.
Open and complete financial disclosure in mediation is a key to fairness, which if compromised by one or both spouses could affect the integrity of the entire mediation process.
In case of intentional, inadvertent or financial deceit, other parties could petition the court to reopen the case.
Learn More: Is Divorce without Splitting Assets Possible in California?
For a mediation to work, it is a must for both the spouses to be cooperative on important divorce matters (custody and visitation, alimony, etc.) and engage in amicable communication in good faith to find common grounds, leading to fair and quality agreements.
Though you may see red flags in mediation but if you skip it without making efforts to make it successful can be very costly as well. If you go for emotionally taxing litigation it could be more time taking and bringing more financial strain on both of you.
Therefore, if you find your spouse uncooperative, find why they’re acting like this and educate him about the consequences of failing it
Mediation might not be best when your spouse is going through other legal battles, such as a criminal matter.
It can cause a lack of transparency, resulting in suspicion that your spouse (or yourself) isn’t being entirely honest about their assets.
When it comes to divorce, honesty is the best policy you both spouses can follow as hiding important information could lead to court penalties and legal consequences.12
Divorce mediation is all about cooperation, communication, and negotiation to resolve your disagreement in divorce. While highly conflicted marital relationships may involve intense emotional reactions, communication breakdowns and verbal abuse.
So if we see divorce mediation and high conflict marital relationships they seem like the opposite ends. According to Kathy J. Marshack, couples in a high conflict divorce are unlikely to engage themselves in business like manners or in a friendlier way, which can mediation misfit to your case.
Unfortunately, you cannot force your partner to mediate. If your spouse shies away from divorce mediation, you need to consider something else to find out the solution because mediation is all about you two.
Another thing you can do is to find out why your spouse doesn’t want to mediate and what your spouse’s specific concerns are regarding the mediation.
If you and your spouse have any concern or confusion about mediation, book a free consultation with California’s Top mediator and Super Lawyer Dina Haddad to find out the best option for your case.
What It Is: Divorce Litigation is a process where a judge makes the decisions about the divorce. The judge will review contested issues regarding property division, alimony, etc., and set the terms themselves.
Best For: Divorce litigation is the best option to consider for your divorce when your case involves domestic violence and abuse or in short your divorce is contested.
Likewise, if your spouse is unwilling to cooperate, and/or you cannot trust them, you need to seek divorce litigation.
Limitation: Litigation is very costly and takes a long time. It also has limited follow through given the judge imposes the order, and it is not agreed to by the parties.
For the typical, and even majority of cases, divorce litigation should be the last resort. Divorce litigation may be the only option when mediation fails.
Read More: Divorce Litigation Explained in Detail.
What It Is: In collaborative divorce the couple works together with their lawyers to work out the terms of their divorce. The attorneys and other professionals use a team approach to assist the couple in this process.
Best For: This option is for people on okay terms and agree to settle disagreements outside of court.
Limitations: Collaborative divorce can be more expensive than mediation and cost as much as a litigated divorce.
If a collaborative divorce doesn’t work out, the parties cannot use their attorneys to litigate, which can be very costly. For a collaborative divorce to work, spouses must be on good terms.
What It Is: In arbitration, an arbitrator gathers evidence from the two of you and, based on that, makes a ruling on who ‘wins’ or ‘loses’.
It is similar to a trial but not quite. It is far less formal, and the arbitrator can impose rules on the couple and penalize them if those rules are broken.
Best For: Best if you want a final (and binding) decision when finalizing your divorce.
Limitation: Similar to litigation, using arbitration takes your divorce out of your hands.
What It Is: In assisted online DIY divorce, you do not need a divorce attorney or divorce paralegal to do your divorce. You can be self-represented. This saves you a lot of money.
Best For: A DIY divorce is great for those with simple cases, short-term marriages, or those who do not have money to spend on attorney’s and lawyer’s fees.
Limitation: Lacking legal knowledge and Filling legal forms incorrectly can lead to potential delays and issues in your case. Hence, you need to make sure what solution your DIY service providers have for this.
For cases involving complex financial matters, disputes regarding child custody, domestic violence, abuse, etc. DIY divorce would not be the best route to split up.
What It Is: Divorce Mediation is a straightforward process where a mediator assists you with reaching equitable agreements outside the family court without involving expensive attorneys.
Best For: Mediation is typically less expensive than collaborative practice and a litigated divorce.
It takes less time than the other options and usually concludes under 6 months. Plus, it has a high level of follow through. That means less conflict in the future and better results.
Limitations: If your partner is coercive or unwilling to cooperate, or your case involves domestic violence, then divorce mediation is not fit for your case.
Related: Divorce Mediation Tips and Tricks
High court and legal fees, $30,000+
Moderate—requires multiple professionals. |
Affordable—costs significantly less. |
Minimal cost, $299 or less |
Long, over a year |
Moderate, depends on cooperation |
Fully self-directed |
Moderate—focuses on solutions.
Low—cooperative and stress-reducing.
High because discussions are private.
Collaborative team of professionals.
Adversarial
Cooperative
Collaborative
Works best for amicable cases. |
Divorce mediation in California can be one of the best options for an amicable and peaceful dissolution. But (as we have discussed), you should always prepare yourself and ensure this is what will be best for you and your partner.
Mediation has many perks and can give you an advantage over disagreements, but it is only suitable if you both spouses agree on all major issues and are willing to cooperate to reach quality agreements.
Skip adversarial court battles and expensive attorneys by mediating your divorce with Families First Mediation. Create a personalized and quality agreement with Dina Haddad. Book your free video consultation today.
Next Reading: How to Avoid Alimony in California?
Cases involving abuse, power imbalances, or other complicated legal issues. There are reasons that these factors don’t make a suitable environment for mediation.
In these situations, consider whether having an attorney consult with you while you are mediating is enough for you to receive the mediation benefits without you being harmed.
A lawyer can help you better understand not just your rights but your partner’s rights to prevent further trouble.
They can also represent you in court (if you aren’t doing a DIY divorce, you won’t need to go to court to begin with). But you do not need one, no.
They are not necessary during mediation sessions.
Divorce mediation is recommended in most cases. It can help you communicate one-on-one with your spouse, lay out what you want out of the divorce, and hear what your partner wants out of the divorce.
Mediation sessions focus more on issues like property division, coming up with plans for child custody and visitation, child support, and alimony.
Families First Mediation is a pioneer in the field of divorce mediation. Our entire divorce mediation team takes great pride in being active trainers, divorce mediators and teachers of mediation in the greater California area. If you are considering a collaborative divorce, legal seperation or looking for a san jose divorce lawyer we have services that may be beneficial to you. Take advantage of our vast expertise and background in the field of divorce mediation and our genuine desire to help with your divorce mediation services.
