Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
Dina Haddad and her team provide expert mediation services for Californians. If you want help related to any family law issue, call us or book a consult.
Rebeca and John — not their real names — enter divorce mediation with the goal to settle matters amicably, affordably, and outside the courtroom. But soon in the 3rd session of mediation Rebecca finds that his spouse is lying and manipulating.
Rebeca felt that as if mediation was about his interests. She felt that there should be a third party deciding for themselves rather than his husband coercing and wanting the decisions that he likes.
So in that case mediation would likely fail. In other words, if you think that your soon to be ex-spouse is a narcissist, involved in other legal battles, mediator is incompetent or your case has a history of domestic violence, withdraw from mediation and consider other dispute resolution options like litigation or collaborative divorce.
In this guide, California based expert Mediator Dina Haddad throws light on some scenarios, which might not be best for divorce mediation. Talk to Dina Haddad and get a free case evaluation to know if mediation is fit to your case. Book your free consultation.
According to Dina Haddad, divorce mediation is a way for parties to have another person in the room to help things stay calm. Mediators also give advice to their clients on how to move forward rather than backward when they don’t agree on topics like dividing assets or child/spousal support.
Unlike divorce lawyers, who represent one party, a divorce mediator is more of a neutral party to both spouses and assists them in coming up with solutions that cater to every party’s interests. Mediation has countless benefits but it’s best for the following individuals, partners, and parents.
Learn More: What Happens in Divorce Mediation?
The following are the benefits of divorce mediation:
Related: Divorce Mediation Tips and Tricks.
Divorce mediation can be a fantastic way to create grounds for an amicable divorce. However, it is still vital to recognize when you are in a situation where mediation might not be the best route. Take these scenarios as an example to help you determine if other options would be more appropriate.
When one party is often in control and the other is being controlled it can quickly turn toxic in mediation since your partner (if you are on the receiving end of the imbalance) is used to calling the shots.
According to a piece done by ADR Times; “In simple terms, a power imbalance results when the parties don’t share the decision-making and other aspects of the relationship equally.”
In short, a controlling spouse can attempt to bulldoze over not just you, but also the mediator and ultimately the entire mediation process.
Divorce mediation is not for a situation if your case involves either physical or mental abuse. Negotiations in these kinds of circumstances very rarely ever go well because of the fear and intimidation that grow from the trauma of abuse.
Rather there can be safety concerns when putting a victim spouse and abuser together in one room. Thus, the receiver of abuse might be coerced into compromising since in most situations – even the presence of their abuser can send them into fight or flight (whether they know it or not) mood.
If your mediator is not competent or fair, it’s unlikely that you will reach a fair resolution and quality agreement tailored to your goals.
A biased attorney-mediator can be a serious trouble to the entire divorce mediation process. For example, if your mediator does not reply to your emails, questions on time and/or unnecessarily favors your soon to be ex-spouse, mediating a divorce can be a red flag and in the words of expert mediation lawyer (James L Arrasmith) you can handle such scenarios this way:
If you find that mediator behavior is not changing (even after talking to them), withdraw from mediation and proceed to the court since mediation is a voluntary process to reach a fair resolution.
Divorce is already tough but navigating it with a malignant spouse is a bit more tough. Do you remember the old saying that ‘the only thing harder than living with a narcissist is separating from them?’
Sitting with a narcissist spouse face to face in a mediation session is very challenging. Your narcissist spouse can play deceitful tricks to manipulate you.
If your spouse is diagnosed with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and you want to resolve matters through mediation, then you’ll need a very skilled mediator — the one who is conflict intelligent and has handled the mediation secession with narcissist spouses.
So yes, divorce mediation with a narc spouse is possible but its success would entirely depend upon how expert and skilled your mediator is.
Lack of financial disclosure in mediation could lead to unnecessary delays and court paths. If you think that your spouse would be hiding information, then reaching a fair division of assets and liabilities would be unlikely.
Open and complete financial disclosure in mediation is a key to fairness, which if compromised by one or both spouses could affect the integrity of the entire mediation process. In case of intentional, inadvertent or financial deceit, other parties could petition the court to reopen the case.
Learn More: Is Divorce without Splitting Assets Possible in California?
For a mediation to work, it is a must for both the spouses to be cooperative on important divorce matters ( custody and visitation, alimony, etc.) and engage in amicable communication in good faith to find common grounds.
Don’t skip mediation without pouring efforts because other resolution options could have a higher cost like litigation can be financially and emotionally taxing. It could take more time. The almost same for expensive collaborative practice.
Therefore, if you find your spouse uncooperative, find why they’re acting like this and educate him about the consequences of failing mediation. Give your resolution a chance before quitting.
Mediation might not be best when your spouse is going through other legal battles, such as a criminal matter.
It can cause a lack of transparency, resulting in suspicion that your spouse (or yourself) isn’t being entirely honest about their assets.
When it comes to divorce, honesty is the best policy you both spouses can follow as hiding important information could lead to court penalties and legal consequences. 12
Divorce mediation is all about cooperation and negotiation to resolve your disagreement in divorce. A highly conflicted marital relationship typically involves intense emotional reactions, communication breakdowns and verbal abuse, which is unlikely to work in mediation.
Divorce mediation and high conflict marital relationships seem like the opposite ends. According to Kathy J. Marshack, couples in a high conflict divorce are unlikely to engage themselves in business like manners or in a friendlier way, which can mediation misfit to your case.
Unfortunately, you cannot force your partner to mediate. If your spouse shies away from divorce mediation, you need to consider something else to find out the solution because mediation is all about you two and it’s a voluntary process.
Another thing you can do is to find out why your spouse doesn’t want to mediate and what your spouse’s specific concerns are regarding the mediation.
Divorce Litigation is a process where a judge makes the decisions about the divorce. The judge will review contested issues regarding property division, alimony, etc., and set the terms themselves.
It’s best when your case involves domestic violence and abuse or in short your divorce is contested. It can also work if your spouse is uncooperative or you don’t trust them. But it’s costly and takes longer than you think. That’s why it should be a last resort.
In collaborative divorce the couple works together with their lawyers to work out the terms of their divorce. The attorneys and other professionals use a team approach to assist the couple in this process.
It’s best for people on okay terms and agree to settle disagreements outside of court. But it can be more expensive than mediation and cost as much as a litigated divorce.
In arbitration, an arbitrator gathers evidence from the two of you and, based on that, makes a ruling on who ‘wins’ or ‘loses’.
It is less formal but similar to a trial but not quite. The arbitrator can impose rules on the couple and penalize them if those rules are broken. It’s best if you want a final (and binding) decision when finalizing your divorce.
It’s an expert assisted yet a lawyer or stress free divorce option for Californians. The parties can use the DIY divorce program to complete their entire divorce simply and affordably.
It’s great for those with simple cases, short-term marriages, or those who do not have money to spend on attorneys and lawyer’s fees. But for cases involving complex financial matters, disputes regarding child custody, domestic violence, abuse, etc. DIY divorce would not be the best route to split up.
Related: Divorce Mediation Tips and Tricks
Divorce mediation in California can be one of the best options for an amicable and peaceful dissolution. But (as we have discussed), you should always prepare yourself and ensure this is what will be best for you and your partner.
Mediation has many perks and can give you an advantage over disagreements, but it is only suitable if you both spouses agree on all major issues and are willing to cooperate to reach quality agreements.
Skip adversarial court battles and expensive attorneys by mediating your divorce with Families First Mediation. Create a personalized and quality agreement with Dina Haddad. Book your FREE Divorce Mediation Consult today.
Related: Divorce Mediation Checklist
Families First Mediation is a family law mediation firm in California with over 60 years of combined family law experience. Our expert family law mediators are committed to providing you with a healthy divorce and creative family law solutions outside the court without the pricey attorneys and stress.
If you’re navigating divorce in California, take advantage of our vast expertise and background in the field of family law from divorce, custody, child support and spousal support to child support modification and legal separation. Book a Free Divorce Consultation with us.
Cases involving abuse, power imbalances, or other complicated legal issues. There are reasons that these factors don’t make a suitable environment for mediation.
In these situations, consider whether having an attorney consult with you while you are mediating is enough for you to receive the mediation benefits without you being harmed.
A lawyer can help you better understand not just your rights but your partner’s rights to prevent further trouble.
They can also represent you in court (if you aren’t doing a DIY divorce, you won’t need to go to court to begin with). But you do not need one, no.
They are not necessary during mediation sessions.
Divorce mediation is recommended in most cases. It can help you communicate one-on-one with your spouse, lay out what you want out of the divorce, and hear what your partner wants out of the divorce.
Mediation sessions focus more on issues like property division, coming up with plans for child custody and visitation, child support, and alimony.
