Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California

Amicable Divorce: 6 Proven Tips for a Peaceful, Cost-Effective Separation

Dina Haddad

Principal & Founder Attorney-Mediator

Physical Custody of a Child in Custodial Parent
What is an Amicable Divorce?

An amicable divorce means coming to a fair agreement on issues within the divorce without conflict or litigation. It includes various methods for agreement, such as mediation and collaborative divorce.

Amicable divorces are not related to an uncontested divorce. An uncontested divorce is when a case settles without a trial at the end. A party may still have had court hearings on temporary issues and still be uncontested. An amicable divorce is a colloquial term that the spouses want to work together to resolve their divorce.

The big advantage of an amicable divorce is that the couple puts themselves in control of their divorce process. This saves them from a contested divorce, in which you fail to resolve your dispute and you rely on the judge to decide for you. If you want to know about contested and uncontested divorce, check our article here.

Friendlier divorce with Families First Mediation can assist in leading divorcing spouses to a peaceful and affordable approach. Families First Mediation helps divorcing couples to work together to complete their divorce in a civil way.

Best 6 Ways to Divorce Amicably in California

The following are 6 tips and ways for achieving a productive, amicable divorce:

1. Communicate Amicably With Your Spouse

Communicate Amicably With Your Spouse in an Amicable Divorce

 Healthy constructive communication is a key to an amicable divorce. Some couples find it helpful to have an agreed upon method of communication like Y email or a co-parenting app. This allows couples time to be intentional with their words and to have time to process what was written to them, and to also be able to look back at issues that have already been agreed upon.

What and how should I communicate? If you have trouble communicating with your spouse, you can contact a communication coach or family therapist. The family law mediator will also help you in the mediation to have constructive and meaningful conversations.

If you want to learn insightful ways to ask your spouse for divorce, see the Families First article here. For now, you can use these tips to communicate effectively.

  • Set rules for non-confrontational communication;
  • Speak in a normal tone;
  • Listen actively and avoid interrupting;
  • Use “I” (non-accusatory) statements; and
  • Avoid using possessive language (My, I, etc.) when discussing crucial matters.

2. Master 3Cs (Compromise, Calm, and Cooperation)

Compromise, Calm, and Cooperation in Amicable Divorce

For successful communication, stay calm, be cooperative, and be flexible (compromise).

Mastering the 3C’s is also essential if you have children involved in the divorce because co-parenting and settling on divorce requires a ‘give and take’ mindset rather than a ‘my way or no way’ approach.

Remembering that you can only control your own actions and behaviors, and making sure that you take on a cooperative and gracious demeanor when speaking to your spouse can help you in the following ways:

  • Lower conflict
  • Improved communication
  • Less stress to children and better co-parenting options for parents
  • Maintained civil relationships after divorce

3. Focus on the Big Picture

Focus on the Big Picture in Amicable Divorce

For an amicable divorce, you need to focus on the big picture, think productively, and set clear goals. If you do this, insignificant issues cannot sidetrack you.

However, if you feel a problem on the way, see a reputable therapist or rather take some breaks.

Similarly, showing resentment and putting blame can derail the amicable dissolution of a marriage. Keeping in mind your goals for your future and your families, can help you to manage high emotion situations.

4. Try Divorce Mediation

Try Divorce Mediation in Amicable Divorce

A contested divorce is a costly option, in addition to being non-amicable. An average divorce in California costs around $30,000- $100,000.

Simple divorce cases in court can even take years. The attorneys are limited on how they can settle your case, especially if and when emotions run high. This can make it difficult for couples to find areas of compromise and cooperation.

Mediation is an affordable, faster, and peaceful approach that spouses can use to divorce amicably. In addition, it empowers separating or divorcing couples to make decisions according to their situation. Typical mediation costs are around $5,000 to $15,000.

Divorce amicably to take control of your life by scheduling your free consultation with Families First.

Spouses can make mistakes when it comes to agreement on crucial issues like property division, alimony, child custody, and child and spousal support. Families First mediators offer creative solutions rather than passing a ruling like a judge. The following are the benefits of using mediation for an amicable divorce:

  • Affordable
  • Faster approach
  • Less adversarial
  • Confidential
  • Informal and casual
  • Parties can share the entire cost
  • No judge-imposed outcome

5. If Mediation Fails, Opt This Way…

If Mediation Fails, Opt for Collaborative Divorce- another way for Amicable Divorce

If you cannot reach an agreement in mediation initially, we usually recommend taking a break and revisiting it again at a later time. It is one of the strongest, easiest and most affordable options which is why it is advisable to continue with mediation if possible.

If mediation is no longer an option, another option is to use a lawyer’s to reach an amicable separation. Simply put, spouses agree on divorce terms without going to court. This method is far more affordable than a litigious divorce but more expensive than mediation.

Collaborative divorce requires both spouses to hire a separate team of lawyers who can collaborate with each other and other professionals to settle you and your spouse.

Collaborative divorce can involve the following professionals:

  • Therapist
  • Divorce financial advisor
  • Mental health professionals
  • Divorce mediators
  • Attorneys

Collaborative divorce is better than contested divorce because the latter adds huge costs and takes years. However, collaborative divorce is more expensive than mediation. This is due to the more professionals involved in collaborative divorce, compared to mediation, which involves a solo mediator.

6. Keep Your Children First

Keep your Child First for Divorcing Amicably

Children can have a hard time coping with divorce. Contested divorce can make them feel like a victim of divorce. What do they think of when they see parents battling on child custody and child support? Recent research has shown that parents dueling and divorce conflicts can negatively impact a child. 

However, Families First always prioritizes families needs and desires when crafting a settlement agreement. This leads to an amicable divorce, which in turn leads to better co-parenting because it is very important to ensure children’s well-being as the family goes through a transitional period.

Therefore, when you are divorcing, think about what options will help you with children. Would my divorce be amicable enough to prevent tension from leaking to children? How can I contribute to a nurturing environment and parental responsibilities amicably after divorce?

Frequently Asked Questions

The cost of an amicable divorce may vary depending on which ADR (alternative dispute resolution) method you choose. Mediation is one of the most common and affordable ADR options in California.

An amicable divorce through mediation is more affordable than a collaborative divorce. Mediation can cost you around $5,000 to $15,000+.

Schedule your free consultation with Families First Mediation.

Get your quality and long-lasting agreement now with Families First.

The following are the essential things that you should keep in mind while divorcing amicably:

  1. Consider mediation over expensive collaborative divorce
  2. Prioritize creative communication for your new reality and children’s well-being
  3. Gather important documents such as pay stubs, tax returns, etc
  4. Think about children over personal dueling
  5. Be respectful of your spouse

Mediation with Families First is an effective tool for an amicable divorce. Many ‘celebrity couples in California have used mediation over the years to uncouple amicably.

The following are the reasons why mediation is an effective tool for an amicable divorce:

  • Mediation is the most affordable option among other ADRs.
  • It empowers spouses to control the outcome.
  • It is a confidential process unlike the court in which every hearing goes public.
  • It indirectly promotes child-focused parenting plans.
  • It is less stressful for families.

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