Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
You want to leave your marriage and explain it to your spouse. But the Divorce discussion can be daunting and uncomfortable. Many spouses put it off or don’t have the conversation at all, which can be even more problematic. If you decide to divorce, should you tell your spouse?
And if so, what’s the best way and how to initiate a divorce conversation? The most important decision you can make in your divorce is how you divorce. And, the best way to divorce is by working with your spouse. How you tell your spouse that you want a divorce directly impacts whether you both will be able to work together. And thus, determines the success of your case.
How you start a divorce discussion will impact the success of your case. You need to carry the process with these goals in mind:
The first step to divorce may make you feel uneasy. If you skip these goals and instead serve court papers, you may set off a contested divorce. At that point, you will have less opportunities to work together or mediate.
Court battles are very unpredictable, time-consuming, and expensive ($100,000+ goes nowhere). Even simple divorce cases can take years and cost more than what the parties have to spend. Divorce professionals work very hard to settle their matters and mediate their divorces. They know that you lose all control when you take your case to court.
Instead, be proactive about the divorce conversation. It’s your opportunity to set the tone for your divorce case. You can tell your spouse that you want a divorce by preparing yourself, communicating effectively, choosing the best timing, and listening to your spouse’s opinion. This will make the divorce discussion easier and less stressful. If you can have this conversation together, it will be even easier to agree to a mediated divorce. Mediating the divorce can make your divorce easier, faster, peaceful, and financially affordable.
Schedule your free consultation with the Families First Mediation and become a Families First successful couple like others.
This article provides insightful ways and 7 tips on asking for divorce from your spouse without hurting them. Let’s explore.
The Following are the Tips for Initiating a Divorce Discussion.
Blaming isn’t going to help you. When you speak with your spouse about divorce, don’t blame your spouse for not showing up in the marriage. You likely had these conversations already. And, if you haven’t, it’s better suited at a therapist’s office. Instead, focus on your task. That you would like to divorce and ideally try and mediate. You want to be fair and don’t know what fair looks like. But, by meditating, you both will learn and be able to resolve this for both of your interests.
Your spouse may not be ready to have the conversation. If not, wait for another time. If your spouse begins blaming you, do your best to stay calm and respond appropriately. Empathy goes a long way.
Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster ride. Even if you want to divorce, you still will have a grieving process even for what could have been. If you need help, reach out to a licensed therapist or trusted friend or join a support network.
Being in charge of your emotions during the divorce talk is hard but super important. Remember, you are setting the stage for your divorce. You want to show that you can work through your divorce with your spouse for your collective good.
Have you decided to tell your spouse you want divorce while your spouse is sick, busy, or stressed out? Pause a bit and think empathetically because telling at the wrong time will be like dropping a bomb. The right time and place play the same significant role as what to ask and how to ask.
Then, which place will be best? What might be the best time for this discussion? The perfect time and place may vary from person to person and situation. Some may like to ask in a public place, while others may choose to do so in marriage counseling.
But, it can be any place where you can spend a considerable amount of time without being distracted by children, friends, surroundings, and relatives.
Tips for Best Timings
This conversation should be about wanting a divorce and working together to have a divorce. This conversation is not about what should happen in the divorce. Stay away from conversations about who is going to get the house, what the timeshare will be for the children, and other major decisions. You are asking that your spouse will work with you to resolve these, not resolve them now. Don’t place any contingencies for working together such as I’ll only mediate with you if I get the house. This starts a poor negotiation practice that can negatively impact you in the long run as well. It also doesn’t show good faith on your part to negotiate fully and fairly. You may end up with the house, but this isn’t the time for that discussion.
At Families First Mediation, once parties have started the mediation, we work with them quickly to get started on resolving these pressing topics. Couples may choose to follow traditional law models; but, at other times, they reach other creative options to allow each party’s interests to be met.
I believe mediation is always the best first choice. At Families First Mediation, we believe mediation allows for more creative long-lasting agreements (not compromises). Schedule your first video consultation with Families First Mediation.
When you have the divorce conversation, avoid these issues for now:
If you want to know about mediation for your fair and productive divorce, check the Families First Mediation article on divorce mediation.
Tell your spouse clearly and respectfully that you want to end a marriage. Your effective communication will play a pivotal role in the successful separation from your spouse.
If you haven’t figured out whether you want a divorce, consider working out solutions with your spouse. You may begin explaining divorce to your spouse this way:
Example: I feel unhappy as our marriage is not working. Can we talk about where we go from here?
These kinds of statements don’t work: You have failed our marriage. You are selfish! Don’t blame your spouse for the divorce when telling your spouse you have decided to divorce. You and your spouse probably don’t agree on who is to blame. And even if you both agree it is your spouse, no one wants to receive that blame in that conversation. Remember, you intend to not only express your decision but show that you are willing and able to work with your spouse on your divorce.
To escape this situation, use “I” statements and avoid inflammatory language. Your discussion sets up what your divorce process will look like.
Examples of “I” Statements:
If your spouse is aware that you have been thinking about divorcing, then telling divorce may not come as a shock. However, if your spouse knows little, your spouse could be shocked to know that you want a divorce.
So, after explaining a divorce decision, give your spouse space to express their feelings. Listen to your spouse’s opinions and emotional responses without interrupting. Let your spouse address all issues and problems. Let them feel heard and respected. Remember that you are listening not to agree with your spouse but to demonstrate you are empathetic and can understand your spouse’s perspective.
There are many ways to begin the divorce conversation with your spouse. The following points outline the best ways to ask for divorce:
The next step is to make a joint decision on how you are going to complete your divorce. Ideally, you and your spouse will work together to finish your divorce. We can help you here at Families First Mediation. Second, continue to take the time to grieve. If you are in a better state of mind, it will be easier for you to move through your divorce. Read our article on different stages of divorce to grieve better.
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The most important decision you will make about your divorce is how you divorce. Families First Mediators empower couples like you to make the best agreement for themselves and their families.
Contact us at (408) 357-3486) or you can Schedule your Free Consultation so Families First can partner with our family’s first approach.
Families First Mediation is a pioneer in the field of divorce mediation. Our entire divorce mediation team takes great pride in being active trainers, divorce mediators and teachers of mediation in the greater California area. If you are considering a collaborative divorce, legal seperation or looking for a san jose divorce lawyer we have services that may be beneficial to you. Take advantage of our vast expertise and background in the field of divorce mediation and our genuine desire to help with your divorce mediation services.