Providing Divorce Mediation Services Throughout California
Gray divorce refers to when a party is 50 years of age or older and is divorcing. Typically, these older couples have accumulated more assets, may have adult children, and are nearing retirement.
Fear and uncertainty regarding financial instability and the complexity of dividing accumulated assets raises the stakes in the divorce process.
If anyone is able to avoid a litigated divorce, it should be gray divorces. They have so much to lose in a litigated divorce. If older couples opt for traditional litigation, they spend precious years and money intended for retirement on legal battles. After so much life, these couples have even less patience for the inefficient court system.
Instead, these couples can be strategic in their divorce and use mediation to mitigate these unique concerns.
In this blog post, our expert mediator, Dina Haddad, shares her insights on how mediation can provide a less stressful and more cost-effective alternative to traditional litigation for those facing a gray divorce.
This article is based on a podcast with our expert mediator, Dina Haddad, Esq. You can listen to the full podcast here.
Gray divorce occurs in the later part of life, typically among couples aged 50 or above who have been married for a long time.
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) coined the term “gray divorce” to describe divorcing couples aged 50+. The gray divorcing couples are also called silver splitters.
The term gray divorce is used metaphorically to refer to the gray hair of older adults, as this divorce happens among the age group with gray hair.
The term “gray divorce” has broadened its scope beyond simply referencing the hair color of older adults and long marriages. It now also encompasses the rising divorce trend among the baby boomer generation born after World War II (1946—1964) in the 20th century.
Dina Haddad is a family law mediator who has been practicing meditation for more than 20 years in California. She is the founder and principal of Families First Mediation and creator of the successful California online divorce program, The Complete Divorce.
In 2024, Ms. Haddad was selected as a “Super Lawyer,” an exceptional title given to the top 5% of attorneys in the United States each year.
Mediation offers a constructive and efficient approach to navigating the complexities of gray divorce. By fostering open communication, mediation empowers couples to reach mutually agreeable solutions and quality agreements.
Dina Haddad strongly advocates for mediation over traditional litigation for gray divorces for the following 7 reasons:
“Mediation takes far less time than a traditional litigated divorce,” Dina explains.
In California, for instance, a typical mediation takes 4—6 months, compared to a litigated divorce, which takes an average of 2 years to finalize.
Hence, mediation, as an expedited process, is particularly beneficial for older couples who wish to move forward without the prolonged stress of a drawn-out legal battle.
“Imagine two years of additional stress,” Dina adds, highlighting the burden a lengthy litigated divorce process can impose. At this point in life, these couples want to move on to their life-long goals. The divorce is already an upset to attaining these goals; extending this pain isn’t part of the agenda!
Mediation is significantly less expensive than traditional divorce proceedings. “We’re talking about comparing costs from ten thousand dollars to a hundred thousand dollars,” Dina highlights while discussing the significant cost differences between the two divorcing options.
For individuals nearing retirement, avoiding the high costs associated with litigation is crucial. They need to preserve their financial resources for future expenses like weddings, college costs for adult children, and healthcare.
“Imagine legal bills of a hundred thousand dollars at the later stages in your life,” Dina notes, underlining the financial strain litigation can cause. That eats away at your retirement pretty quickly.
Mediation, due to its collaborative nature, offers a unique channel for divorcing couples to manage their emotions more effectively than a litigious and battle-centered divorce.
Of course, divorce, especially after a long marriage, is emotionally challenging. Dina acknowledges that feelings of anger, betrayal, and resentment are common.
However, she suggests that these emotions should not hinder the mediation process. “Surround yourself with high-quality friends and family, get into therapy, and have a divorce team including a consulting divorce attorney and a financial planner,” she recommends. Surrounding yourself with your team will help you stay grounded. Preparing emotionally for mediation can help individuals focus on reaching the best possible agreement. For mediation to be successful, you need to be committed to working it out with your spouse. Make sure you set yourself up so you can do it.
Another significant advantage of mediation is its ability to foster healthy relationships after divorce.
Dina emphasizes that mediation can help maintain amicable relationships, which is particularly important for gray divorcees who will continue to share family events (such as weddings, birthdays, and graduations) and are more likely to have had long relationships with one another. These couples tend to have the same social networks and want to avoid losing them at divorce.
“Mediation creates a healthier atmosphere for resolving conflict,” she states. This healthier atmosphere allows better opportunities to preserve family bonds, which can be essential for future family gatherings and maintaining social networks after divorce.
Mediation allows couples to create agreements considering their long-term financial goals, not just their current situations.
“In a gray divorce, we need to be thinking about retirement and how to maximize retirement funds,” Dina says.
Unlike court decisions, which tend to focus on the present, mediation offers flexibility to address future needs and concerns. This forward-thinking approach is vital for ensuring financial stability after divorce.
Ultimately, mediation empowers individuals by giving them control over the outcome of their divorce. “Spouses took control of their divorce by mediating their divorce,” Dina emphasizes.
And when spouses take control of their divorce, they lead toward more satisfactory and sustainable agreements.
By working together through mediation, couples not only achieve resolutions tailored to their unique situations but also prioritize their well-being and financial security.
In litigation, court decisions are often rigid and based strictly on legal guidelines, leaving little room for personalized solutions.
On the other hand, mediation allows for creativity and customization in agreements. “Do you really want a cookie-cutter solution to your lifetime?” Dina asks.
For gray divorcees, who have unique financial and personal histories, mediation offers the flexibility to craft agreements that better fit their specific needs and circumstances.
“It’s about quality, not about sacrificing rights or compromising,” Dina asserts, emphasizing the personalized nature of mediation agreements.
Gray divorce presents unique challenges, but mediation offers a viable and often preferable alternative to traditional litigation.
As Dina explains, mediation can save time and money, preserve family relationships and social networks, and provide customized solutions that consider the long-term financial futures of the individuals involved.
For those facing a gray divorce, consider mediating your divorce with Families First Mediation.
For more information on gray divorce and mediation, contact divorce mediator Dina Haddad at Families First Mediation. She offers free video consultations, which can be booked directly online.
Book now to find out how mediation fits your case.
Families First Mediation is a pioneer in the field of divorce mediation. Our entire divorce mediation team takes great pride in being active trainers, divorce mediators and teachers of mediation in the greater California area. If you are considering a collaborative divorce, legal seperation or looking for a san jose divorce lawyer we have services that may be beneficial to you. Take advantage of our vast expertise and background in the field of divorce mediation and our genuine desire to help with your divorce mediation services.