Do you want to prepare for child custody mediation and avoid mistakes that fail custody mediation? Getting a quality custody agreement is easy if you know the rules of the game (do’s and don’ts of custody mediation).
Child custody mediation is all about reaching a mediation custody agreement on a child’s best interests and issues with the help of a mediator. Simply put, in custody mediation, you work towards creating a parenting plan without hiring attorneys and attending court hearings.
Mediation for parenting plans empowers parents to make decisions regarding their child and resolve issues, unlike the court process in which the judge relies on laws and remains unfamiliar with the parent’s situation.
So, if you want to establish a long-term custody agreement for your child, avoid coming late, behaving mannerlessly, attending mediation with too casual dress, and expressing emotional outbursts.
Families First child custody mediators have over 20+ years of experience helping parents reach a quality and long-lasting custody agreement. Schedule your free consultation now with Families First Mediation and become a success story.
This Article discusses Do’s and Don’ts of a child Custody Mediation.
What Is Child Custody Mediation?
Custodial mediation is an ADR (alternate dispute resolution) method in which a neutral mediator helps divorcing parents reach a mutual agreement on (legal or physical) custody of a child without a court trial.
Additionally, custody mediation saves parents thousands of dollars and leads to a faster resolution. Whereas simple divorce and custody cases in courts take years.
In custody mediation, a mediator does not make a decision in developing the parenting plan but helps parents consider options to reach a custodial decision for a child in a non-confrontational environment.
Do's In A Custody Mediation
The following do’s will help (custody) mothers and fathers perform best in their next custody sessions for mediation:
1. Do Come Prepared In Mediation for Custody
When parents come prepared and organized, they will likely settle for a minimum number of mediated sessions.
For this, do research, brainstorm ideas, prepare essential documents, and write issues you want to discuss with your mediator.
For learning, “what not to say in child custody mediation”, click here. Bring important paperwork with you such as financial records, school reports, and medical information related to the child.
If you are unsure of what to bring, how to come prepared, and how to file for mediation in California — you can schedule a free consultation with Families First.
Our empathetic child custody mediators will guide you on the list of things and the necessary documentation you should bring.
You may need these things with you:
- • Court documents (if you have filed a custody petition in the court);
- • Proposal for custody and time-sharing plan;
- • Contact information of important people and places related to a child;
- • Documentation of current living arrangements; and
- • Calendar indicating your work schedule and your child’s school activities, holidays, extra-curricular activities, etc.
2. Do Control yourself and Emotions
In the custody mediation process, while discussing crucial matters, you may have to face your co-parent’s disagreements and opposite opinions, which can make your emotions go high.
The solution if you are losing calm? Request a break. Child custody can be an emotionally charged process. Expressing severe emotions and resentments towards an ex-spouse can backfire. Therefore, avoid criticism and do employ active listening.
Other things you can do to overcome your emotional stress are:
- • Take plenty of sleep the night before mediation.
- • Seeing a reputable therapist.
- • Talking to a close friend.
- • Doing a breathing or mindfulness exercise
3. DO Approach Custody Mediation With Open Mind
No big project can be successful without open-mindedness. And, mediation for your child is one of the biggest projects — I guess.
For this, understand your co-parent’s standpoints, listen to your mediator attentively when they are trying to facilitate communication, and stay polite and composed if you have a problem with anything in the mediation process.
However, if your former partner has been an abuser and committed domestic violence, you can request your mediator for separate mediation.
4. Do Set Your Goals
Enter parenting plan mediation with clear goals and priorities. If you do so, you are likely to conclude your mediation in just 4-6 sessions with Families First Mediation. Schedule your free consultation with Families First Mediation.
Therefore, keep your verbal and non-verbal communication relevant. This way you will not be distracted by minor disagreements or disputes from goals that you have set for custody mediation.
Don'ts In A Child Custody Mediation
Custody mediation can be tough if parents stay uncooperative and want to punish each other. However, stay calm even with tough demands because polite parents lead to better quality agreements.
With these mistakes, you will likely spend more time in mediation or reaching a less favorable agreement.
The following “do’s and don’ts” will help you prepare better for custody mediation:
1. Don’t Forget to Take Your Co-parent’s Perspective
Custody agreements are all about prioritizing a child’s well-being in the time of divorce by understanding your co-parent’s perspective. And for this, you can identify the common areas of agreement.
Additionally, enter the mediation with an open mind and keep your differences aside. Ignoring other parent’s perspectives will make the environment tense enough to reach a less favorable agreement.
2. DON’T Dress Too Casually
You can dress in business casual attire for your child custody mediation. Do not dress like you are going to the beach or washing the car.
Instead, wear professional shoes rather than sneakers and scandals. Get yourself a haircut if possible. If you dress too casually, your impression may be untidy and unprofessional.
However, a presentable yet comfortable dress will reflect that you respect the mediator, your ex-partner, and the process. You can avoid the following things for custody mediation:
- • Flip Flops
- • Dress with slogans
- • Jeans
- • Leggings
- • T-shirts
3. Don’t Arrive Late
Punctuality is the key. You can prepare your documents beforehand and leave early to avoid traffic issues.
Mediation is a scheduled event; you must respect the mediator’s and other parent’s time. Mediators are busy professionals who have to see many cases daily.
4. Don’t Let Emotions Control you
In the custody mediation process, while discussing crucial matters, you may have to face your co-parent’s disagreements and opposite opinions, which can make your emotions go high.
The solution if you are losing calm? Request a break. Child custody can be an emotionally charged process. Expressing severe emotions and resentments towards an ex-spouse can backfire. Therefore, avoid criticism and employ active listening.
Other things you can do to overcome your emotional stress are:
- • Take plenty of sleep the night before mediation.
- • Seeing a reputable therapist.
- • Talking to a close friend.
- • Doing a breathing or mindfulness exercise.
5. Don't Compromise On The Child's Best Interests
Child custody mediation is about reaching a child-centered agreement that aligns well with his or her emotional stability, development, and well-being.
You can miss discussing a child’s true needs if you discuss personal issues in the sessions. Moreover, it’s not a general divorce mediation platform to get distracted by these issues.
Therefore, communicate on relevant issues for productive agreement, as custody is less about your rights and more about your child’s rights.
Do not make threats because many parents who acted as vindictive to their spouses in custody mediation have to go for court hearings. Also, your bad behavior towards your co-parents can affect your relationship with the child.
Have you planned to discuss the child’s sleep and school schedule? Also, discuss the following things in custody mediation:
- • Child’s needs
- • Parenting plans and time
- • Child’s stability
- • Birthdays and holidays
- • Expenses of sharing custody
- • Custody scheduled during school vacations
6. Don’t Come to Custody Mediation Unprepared
When parents come prepared and organized, they will likely settle for a minimum number of mediated sessions.
For this, do research, brainstorm ideas, prepare essential documents, and write issues you want to discuss with your mediator.
For learning, “what not to say in child custody mediation”, click here. Do not miss important paperwork such as financial records, school reports, and medical information related to the child.
If you are unsure of what to bring, how to come prepared, and how to file for mediation in California — you can schedule a free consultation with Families First. Our empathetic child custody mediators will guide you on the list of things and the necessary documentation you should bring.
You may need these things with you:
- • Court documents (if you have filed a custody petition in the court);
- • Proposal for custody and time-sharing plan;
- • Contact information of important people and places related to a child;
- • Documentation of current living arrangements; and
- • Calendar indicating your work schedule and your child’s school activities, holidays, extra-curricular activities, etc.
7. Don't Make Unreasonable Demands
Unreasonable demands can escalate tension and hinder the process while denying the child’s interests. Many co-parents ask for sole custody without considering the other parent’s role in the life of a child.
Likewise, other parents request a huge amount of child support and ignore the co-parent’s affordability for that.
However, parents need to have a compromising and collaborative mindset to reach an equitable agreement that best aligns with their child’s needs.
8. Don’t Behave Mannerlessly
Parents who behave well in mediation for custody get quality, long-lasting agreements, and better co-parenting opportunities.
Your appropriate and calm behavior helps the child cope better with the changes that are happening in his or her life due to divorce.
Following are the behaviors that you should avoid in mediation:
- • Don’t be interruptive or argumentative with your spouse or mediator.
- • Don’t bad mouth your former spouse.
- • Don’t manipulate the process.
- • Don’t stare at your co-parent.
- • Don’t make personal attacks, threats, and criticism
- • Don’t use possessive or inflammatory language.
- • Don’t discuss your ex-spouse’s past mistakes
Frequently Asked Questions
The following are the tips for do’s of custody mediation:
- • Do come to mediation prepared
- • Do rely on “I” statements and active listening to communicate effectively
- • Do be on time with necessary documentation and paperwork
- • Do stay rational and consider your ex-spouse’s perspective
- • Do be respectful and polite
- • Do hire an experienced child custody mediator
The following are the don’ts of custody mediation:
- • Don’t forget to take your spouse’s perspective
- • Don’t come late
- • Don’t’ behave mannerlessly with your spouse or mediator
- • Don’t let your emotions control you
- • Don’t distract from the child’s best interests
- • Don’t discuss personal and marital issues in custody mediation.
If you are looking to hire a custody mediator for your child custody mediation. Schedule your free consultation with Families First Mediation.